The X Factor USA

Us lucky Brits are now getting to see the X Factor USA alongside our own original version, just one day after it's aired in the States. I watched the opening show last night, and I have to say I much prefer the UK version.

Maybe it's the way the US version is just that extra bit more OTT, or maybe it's the way you only see about 3 actual auditions in an hour...mostly I think it's a humour thing. I don't like Paula Abdul. I find her grating, in a way akin to feeling sandpaper dragged across my eyeballs. The 'funny' contestants just aren't quite as good...there's something off about the whole business.

I get the feeling that there are more contestants who are trying to boost an acting career or something, rather than actually wanting a career in singing.

Oh, and my major beef? CHERYL COLE. The Cowell said she looked bewildered on the panel...she didn't look bewildered to me! She looked comfortable, happy, funny and sparky. You know - like herself! In contrast, Nic Scherz was like some kind of wet lettuce. She doesn't have Chezza's mix of warmth, bolshiness and success tinged with her working-class roots. Basically, she comes across as fake, and it's jarring.

I really don't think I'll be watching much more of the series...Let me know your thoughts.

C xxx

The Professional Equivalent of 'Never Liked You Anyway, And You're Crap In Bed'?

According to Cheryl Cole's mum Joan, it was Cheryl's decision not to return to the X Factor in the UK after her dismal reception in the US. Joan says "She was terrified Simon had become her puppet master and she was being turned into his new Sinitta - Simon's little pet. She is determined to carve out a career without him. He'll have to come up with something special for them to even speak again."

To be fair, ending up like Sinitta would be a fate worse than death, but the whole situation reeks of trying to limit the humiliation levels. By taking ownership of not coming back to the X Factor Cheryl can try to reclaim some autonomy and individuality away from the Cowell talent-making machine, but at the risk of cutting off her nose to spite her face.

You know when two people break up, and then one of them hacks into the other's facebook account and leaves messages like "I only went out with you out of pity" and " your willy is tiny anyway"? Yeah. That's what this looks like right now.

C xx

Finally, A Resolution!

Oh, happy days! We can finally move on from the tedious speculation over Cheryl Cole's future with the X Factor. The People newspaper is reporting that the Geordie beauty has been officially offered a main judging role on the US version of the show.

The main issue with her bid was that she is really not very well known in the US at all, wich execs at Fox thought would be a potentially huge problem. However, the response to the auditions has been bigger than expected, with many auditionees delighted at the prospect of meeting Cheryl specifically. A source cloce to Camp Cowell stated "If she can win over fans so early in her American adventure, she can become a household name when the series starts."

The deal is reportedly worth an estimated £1.1 millon, and will be signed off later this month. This is great news for Chezza, and it will improve her relativly unknown status across the pond exponentially. Maybe even J.Lo will know who she is soon...

C xx

Feel My Wrath, ITV Bosses.

X Factor bosses at ITV are shaking in their boots about Simon Cowell's confirmed departure, and Cheryl Cole's almost-confirmed departure. There are currently rumours flying that they intend to drop both Louis Walsh AND Dannii Minogue from the judging panel in order to bring in a completely fresh start.

Well, here's what I say to that: NO! Those two are the best things about the X Factor! Louis' totally irrelevant, snidey comments are pure gold, while Dannii has been the stand-out judge since she started. She offers great critique in a fair manner, underplaying her bias for her own acts by making sure to give credit where it's due to others, and criticism to her own. And just look at her hair! It's a chameleonic masterpiece, in a totally different style every week!

Chezza's shine is not as dazzling as it used to be, and Simon has gone soft. He's no longer Mr. Nasty, and to be frank, I'm fed up of his and Cheryl's cosy little whispering together act. Urgh. ITV, get your act together, and stop with the panic stations! Offering Cheryl double money won't keep her in the country, and throwing Dannii and Louis to the sharks is no way to improve your situation. MAN UP.

C xxx

Because She's Worth It?

While we are now all thoroughly bored by the ongoing saga surrounding who will be sat behind the judge's table for the US version of X Factor, no one is more over it than Cheryl Cole. After being strung along for months, with still no word as to whether she will be given the prestigious spot, Cheryl is now considering staying on the UK show. The reson for this? The fact that ITV bosses have offered to DOUBLE her pay packet!

The offer is huge, and Chezza will be absolutely rolling in it, even if the US gig doesn't come off. As the UK auditions are extremely close at hand, the pressure is on ITV to make some kind of announcement, which seems to be what has prompted their very generous offer. Of course, if the US team did decide to put Cheryl on the panel, there is no question about the fact that she'd be over there quicker than you can say..."alreet, pet?"

C xx