Take Me Out's boozy sex party!

Everyone's favourite Saturday evening show, ITV's Take Me Out, has been splashed all over the front page of The Sun today.

Apparently, one show contestant threw a weekend-long party for the 90 others in a £4.5 million mansion, which was subsequently trashed. Of course.

One of the party attendees gave a powerful description of the elegant social soiree, saying “There was loads of sex going on — people were doing it in front of each other.” Another delightful soul invoked an image worthy of Wordsworth himself, saying, “Everyone just cut loose. There were condoms everywhere.”

Charming.

An ITV "insider" seemed to revel in the debauchery, as I'm sure the whole thing's going to boost ratings immensely. The unnamed spokesperson said “Take Me Out is known for attracting 'up for it' young people so it's no surprise they want to have a fun party.”

Yep. Fun.

Broken Britain indeed.

C xxx

Feel My Wrath, ITV Bosses.

X Factor bosses at ITV are shaking in their boots about Simon Cowell's confirmed departure, and Cheryl Cole's almost-confirmed departure. There are currently rumours flying that they intend to drop both Louis Walsh AND Dannii Minogue from the judging panel in order to bring in a completely fresh start.

Well, here's what I say to that: NO! Those two are the best things about the X Factor! Louis' totally irrelevant, snidey comments are pure gold, while Dannii has been the stand-out judge since she started. She offers great critique in a fair manner, underplaying her bias for her own acts by making sure to give credit where it's due to others, and criticism to her own. And just look at her hair! It's a chameleonic masterpiece, in a totally different style every week!

Chezza's shine is not as dazzling as it used to be, and Simon has gone soft. He's no longer Mr. Nasty, and to be frank, I'm fed up of his and Cheryl's cosy little whispering together act. Urgh. ITV, get your act together, and stop with the panic stations! Offering Cheryl double money won't keep her in the country, and throwing Dannii and Louis to the sharks is no way to improve your situation. MAN UP.

C xxx